Hope and the IVF world.

                                                         Hope and the IVF World.

 I wish I’d started blogging from day 1, but it was only after I have immersed myself in the world of infertility that I have realised what a special community it is and how valuable other people stories have been to me. We even have our own special language. I entered this world in May 2015 not having a clue and was left overwhelmed! Now, I think in acronyms and slang terms. My head is full of BFPs and BFNs (big fat positives and big fat negatives – this is how we announce our successes and failures). POAS and OTD (pee on a stick and official test date – a big debate when you are in your 2WW (two week wait) – to test early or not to test early?) Embies (embryos). Snowbabies (frozen embryos). Follicles and dildo cams. ECs and ETs (egg collections and embryo transfers). And tmi (too much information – because IVF leaves you with no shame. Everything - and I mean everything - from your bowel movements to your cervical mucus and back again -  is discussed and analysed.) Yet these people are so special. I have never known a more supportive group of people. They cheer for your successes even if they have failed. They mourn your losses as if they were their own. They understand the importance of the small steps and celebrate them with you (what size are your follicles? How many eggs did you get? How many fertilised? How many embies will they put back? 3 day transfer or 5 day blastocysts?  Did you get any snow babies?) It genuinely is a different world and without support forums like Fertility Friends it would be a lonely and isolating place to be.  They have given me hope when I felt there was none. I obsessively read peoples stories (infertility blogs) going back years and years and often skipped ahead to see if they had been successful. Some had, some had moved on and some were still continuing in their journey. And what struck me most is how strong these women are. Infertility is about failure. These woman tried and tried and never gave up. They had their hearts broken time and time again but picked up the pieces. When you read their signatures (info at the bottom of their posts telling you their private journey) you cannot imagine how they have been though what they have and are still standing. Not just standing, but cheering – full of hope and possibilities. I say cheers to you all (because I can now drink and hell, yes, I am drinking) I raise a glass and I salute you all. I read a story about a women hosting a conference about infertility. She began by saying "I'm sorry for your losses". Because infertility is about loss too. Every failure is a loss. Eggs that failed to fertilise. Embryos that degraded and died before they could be transferred. Failed IVF cycles because the embryo failed to implant. Chemical pregnancies. Missed miscarriages.  So yeah, failure, loss but above everything - hope. Today I don’t feel hopeful. But I did, and I will again. I hope.