We have found our stork!

So,  it has all happened! We met our children today and we are over the moon. I haven't blogged for a long time so thought it was about time I updated everyone!

Over the last 15 months we have been through 8 weeks of social worker visits (your house is never as clean as when as sw comes round!), had every area of our lives examined and unpicked, completed 8 homework assignments, attended 3 preparation days and been to an horrendous approval panel where we were grilled over everything including our sex life and contraception use (was not happy. We are doing a good thing, why are we treated like we are on trial?) We were approved and then the real testing times began...the wait... the watching of the phone..... the constant checking of emails....but then 9 weeks after being approved it happened......

The Thursday before the Easter holidays we received an email from our SW about 2 children. Its a sad case she warned, read through and let us know if you have any questions. We immediately knew we wanted to know more! Annoyingly, due to the Easter holidays we ended up having to wait the longest 2 weeks of our lives! Eventually we managed to meet up on the 20th April, the day of our sons first birthday. Interestingly, the year before on the 19th April we attended our first adoption open evening! Strange to think our son was born the following day. (Also, we were approved on the 7th Feb and the placement order for our children went through on the 8th Feb! My husband tells me not to look for signs but,.....)

Anyway we met and had our questions answered. The children began to feel real and come to life (its really hard to get a sense from a report). They said they were not looking for anyone else for these children and that was it, we were matched!!

So the last 7 weeks have been all about us nesting and I've thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. We have been officially approved at matching panel (a much friendly affair than approval) though gruelling. But we were prepared, we knew these children.

People have been asking how we feel, are we scared nervous? And the genuine answer is no! We are not scared, we are not anxious, we are ready (as ready as anyone ever can be). We understand the possible needs our children may have. They have been through huge instability and to my daughter, a mother is someone who cannot meet her needs. She may reject me, she may struggle to bond.

People keep telling us how happy they are for us, how exciting it is and how lucky our children are. And they are right it is wonderful. But what people don't tend to think about is what our children are about to go through. They are about to be taken from the only stable and loving environment they have ever known. They are about to suffer significant loss. Again! When we will be celebrating when we have our family home for the first time, they will probably be feeling scared, unsure, insecure. How long will they stay at this home? They do not understand that this is their forever home. They do not understand that they will never leave. Everytime a SW visits, she will wonder if they have come to take her away.... again.

And to those people who say they are young, they wont remember, it wont affect them .....this is simply not true. The effects of neglect change the way the brain forms. They may not actually remember details but they may have scary feelings triggered, for example the feeling of being hungry and not knowing when the next time they are fed will be or feeling cold or hurt and no one attending to their basic needs, their basic human rights. Our daughter is fiercely independent because no one was there to look after her properly so she doesn't always trust that anyone else can. She must look after herself. But through therapeutic parenting, PACE, naming feelings and many other techniques and strategies hopefully we will be able to work through these potential issues.

And to those people who say 'catch up on your sleep now, your lives are about to be turned upside down, make the most of your time together now'... I know you mean well, and you're not wrong, but we have wanted this for 7 years! I've had plenty of sleep! We have had each other for 17 years! We are so ready to be a family. Perhaps if you have been able to have one easily you do not understand how desperately we have wanted this. Sorry, it just really irritates me!

Although, ironically, on the way to meet our children this morning this REM song came on the radio

'It's the end of the world as we know it'

but as the lyrics continue.....

'but I feel fine'.

I am a mummy to two amazing children. We are a family. Dreams do come true.