A letter to my children on the day we first met.

To my daughter

I will never forget the first time I saw you. I had to run and get a parking permit and your carer popped out the door and showed us where to park. As I began to turn away I saw you at the window looking at me. You looked so excited! When we came back we entered the house and you came to the door. I had 2 gifts bags with bubbles, sweets and a toy each for you and your brother. Your eyes fixated on them and I gave them to you. You ran into the front room and pulled out the large tube of bubbles excitedly exclaiming 'bubbles!' You then turned to your brothers bag and pulled out his and kindly gave them to him. You both enjoyed holding them and were desperate to open them ("op it!") but your carer said "later in the garden". "Later, garden" you repeated. You played on the floor for a while. You showed us how you can jump. You were a little tentative initially but you were happy and as time went on you relaxed more and more and began talking to us. You shared your sweets giving one to Daddy and one to Mummy. You knew that these were our names but to you they are just labels. I wonder how much of this you understand right now?

You needed a wee and were happy for me to take you. I needed a wee too. We washed our hands and you said "mummy come" and we went back down stairs. The next time you needed a wee you pointed at the toilet and said "mummys turn"!

You showed us how fast you can run down the corridor and back. You were so full of energy, so relaxed, so much fun. You laughed and giggled and chatted away, still clutching your bubbles. You were so kind and shared everything with your brother and the other little girl staying there. You began to be really comfortable saying mummy and daddy. We took the bubbles outside and it was obvious that you were completely in your element! You and your daddy really began to bond at that moment. You spent ages saying "Daddy bubbles! Daddy again! Daddy more!" You were able to work out how to open the bubbles and as the solution began to run out you realised you could transfer more solution from the full one to the empty one so you could continue with your tube. It was fascinating watching you work out how to solve this problem! I watched your Daddy fall head over heels in love with you. He pushed you backwards and forwards in your little trolley and your face was full of joy and happiness.

When we went inside you sat on my lap and we read stories together. When we had lunch you made sure that daddy had a drink and a sandwich. You made him feed you your yoghurt even though you can do it yourself. You then made me do it too! We spent the rest of the day outside playing until we felt we had really overstayed our welcome and began to drag ourselves away. You didn't want us to go... but when you realised that we were you pushed us out the door!

I loved watching you and your Daddy get on so well. You haven't really known any men in your life so Daddy is a bit of a novelty to you right now. You have had lots of Mummies, some better than others. I will prove to you that I am your mummy now and that you can trust me. I will meet your needs and always be there for you. If you try and push me away I will never go. You have my heart now and forever. I am already so proud of you. You haven't had the easiest start to life and yet you are clever, kind, loving and happy. I know we will have challenges down the road but, my darling, we will face them together.

To my son

When we entered the room you were sat on the floor. Your beautiful big blue eyes gazed up at me. I sat next to you and said hello. You looked a bit puzzled. I wonder if you were confused having seen our picture and heard our voices on the talking photo album we had made for you. After ten minutes of staring intently at us you bum shuffled your way onto my lap, into my arms and firmly into my heart. You sat there for ages with your tube of bubbles in hand, just watching us with interest, taking it all in. You stared at your daddy and I passed you over to him, you sat in his arms and gazed up at him. Your hand went to his face and into his mouth! You seemed to love the feel of his beard. You were so happy and relaxed. We went out into the garden and I played peekaboo with you in your playhouse. You loved opening and closing the window and laughed as I surprised you through the window. It felt so easy and so natural to be with you. You went off for your nap, waking up an hour and a half later. You happily ate your lunch and when you had finished you came to me and we went and played outside again. You fit in my arms perfectly. You were so relaxed and happy, not once did you grumble or fuss. When your big blue eyes connected with mine you smiled everytime. You are such a delightful little boy. I am so blessed that I will be able to be there for so many of your firsts. Your first steps, your first words, your first proper pair of shoes, your first time in a swimming pool. I cannot wait to bring you home so we can start the next part of this chapter together.